Oh, Jon Kent...

You are..
Spunky.
Too smart for your own good.
Lover of all things basketball.
A big brother.
Imaginative.
Tenderhearted.
Charming.
Friendly.
Wanter of too many toys.
Lover of video games.
Caring.
A snuggle bug.
Cautious.
Protective.
A crazy giggler.
A dreamer.

And the very best thing of all....

You are all mine!

It makes my heart super happy.

As a momma, I wonder a lot if I am doing a good enough job with the kids. Am I raising them up right? Am I contradicting myself by saying one thing and doing another? Am I letting the kids be kids and not pushing them beyond their limits. Am I setting the appropriate boundaries for them and if so, do I make them stick to it? Am I too hard on them when sometimes I could just let loose a little bit more? These questions swirl around in my head most days. Don't you hate it when you are doing something and in your mind you are telling yourself, as the situation is unfolding, that you are doing it all wrong and really should stop and start over.. but you don't? Am I the only one who does that?

Well, with all that said.. there are times that everything comes together and for a moment you know you are doing things right. Even if you didn't realize you were and even if it wasn't planned out. It just clicks.

Last night we put the kids to bed. And after a full day of church it's usually harder to get them to settle down and go to sleep. So, the kids are in bed (supposedly) and one by one they all come out to ask a question or to show us something or what have you. I had finally gotten Zoey and Jon Kent to stay in their beds, but Nathan he kept getting up. We would here a "thump", followed by some running foot steps, a cymbal on his drum sounding off, followed by more running footsteps, some baby boy giggles and so on. I repeatedly told him to get back in his bed. He would say, "Otay, momma!" but it never lasted long. I went up there a few times and told him on the final time that if I had to come up there one more time he was going to get his butt popped. That lasted all of 2 minutes when again.. "Thump".. cymbal crash, running feet, giggles, etc. I yell up the steps for Nathan to get back in his bed. Jon Kent comes down the steps and says, "Momma, don't get on to Nathan. I just prayed to God to make Nathan get in his bed and go to sleep." And then proceeds to go back to his bed.

Talk about being proud and just speechless. I realized then, in the least bit way, I am doing something right. That he is learning and listening and picking up the good things that I am trying to teach him. So, sometimes I do the wrong thing. Get mad easily or don't do enough. But that's mommyhood and I am just glad that there are moments like that that make it all worth while.

The day after

The morning after my momma passed away I was sleeping in my old room at my parents house. It looks completely different than it did when I was there. I didn't have the treadmill decor going on while I was living there. Or the ironing board decor to come to think of it. The bed was smaller then and thankfully it is much bigger now, otherwise Kent and I would be mightily uncomfortable trying to sleep on a twin bed. Although, we have done that before...

That morning I was sleeping and my cellphone started ringing. Which was odd because my parents' house has never gotten good, if any cell reception. It was like 6:15 in the morning and I was tired, so I let it go to voicemail. After laying there for a few minutes and not be able to talk myself back in to going to sleep I sat up and checked my voicemail. It was my dentist office in South Carolina asking to reschedule my appointment. I thought, "Good, I can't make it today anyway." Then the operator lady said that I had one skipped message and before I could even think who it could be I heard my momma's voice. Talk about eye opening. I just sat there and listened. And then I cried uncontrollably.

It was so surreal to be sitting in my old room, fixing to start a day of planning my momma's funeral and then hearing her voice. The feeling that was rushing all over my body is unexplainable. I don't think anyone could ever understand that feeling unless you have been in that same position. It was just.. different.

After listening to the voicemail I turned off my phone and tried to remember why she had called. And then I remembered it from the Saturday before and she was out shopping with friends. She had called to see if Zoey had a certain dress from Target. (When she called I let the call go to voicemail and immediately called her from my home phone since my cell didn't get good reception inside my house). She told me she had also found her some shoes for the summer. After recalling all of that, I looked up and there hanging in that room was the two dresses momma had gotten Zoey and the two pairs of shoes. They were just sitting there waiting to be delivered to us when we were to come that coming weekend. Again, so surreal.

It's moments like those that are etched in my mind. When my whole reality is blurred and nothing seems really real. It almost seemed like a dream.

After dwelling on the voicemail, the phone call I had with her that Saturday, looking at the dresses and shoes, remembering the phone call I had with her the day before.. I took a ton of deep breaths and got up and started the day. The day after my momma died. The day after my whole entire world changed.

Washington DC: The End

Our last full day in D.C. was spending finishing up our site seeing. We went to Arlington National Cemetery first. While there we visited the graves of the Kennedy family. We stopped and watched the "Changing of the Guards" at "The Tomb of the Unknown Solider". That was a sight to behold. I have seen it before, but every time is different and every time is just as breath taking as the one before it. If you aren't proud to be an American after see that, then my friend you need to move elsewhere. Once we left there, we went to see Arlington House. All the history in that house would take hours to tell. It was so amazing to walk around and know that Robert E. Lee and his family once lived there. That most of his children were born in that house. That so many events that changed American history happened in that house.

After visiting Arlington National Cemetery we took a trip back to the White House to get some pictures and look around. We didn't get to stay long because it was about to rain and we wanted to make out way to The Holocaust Museum.

I waited the whole week to be able to revisit The Holocaust Museum. Ever since I was made to read "Ann Frank's Diary" in the 9th grade I have been fascinated with all the history of the Holocaust. How one evil man could round up so many evil people and do such evil acts to a group of people, just blows my mind. It's a sobering reminder that evil does exist and we aren't to just blindly following someone else's teaching. So anyway, once we got there we took the tour. Seeing how it all started from the very beginning. Seeing the pictures, the piles and piles of shoes and clothes that belonged to those who were sent to the gas chambers, seeing how they were tortured and used for medical experiments. Hearing and reading the stories of how children were taken from their parents and sent to work in labor camps. On and on.. we saw it all. And to know that many stories have yet and probably never will be told. To see all the names and faces. It really broke my heart. There just aren't enough words to express all that we saw that day. It's a place to you just have to visit and experience for yourself.

Once we finished our tour we took our last metro ride back to our hotel. We ordered carry out from an Italian place and ate in the room. We were completely tired and worn out. We enjoyed our visit to D.C. very much. One day I wouldn't mind going back and taking the kids. But only when I know they would be interested in it and appreciate it.

The next day and our final day of "vacation" we gathered our things and got on a plane back to home. Our first flight was pretty uneventful. I used the bathroom for the first time on an airplane. Corny I know, but I still got a kick out of it. Our second flight was rather rough. We hit some turbulence a few times and rocked a lot. And we dropped a few times as well. I was freaking out, but trying to play it cool. Once we landed the lady in front of me started waving her hands in the air and praising God for letting us land safely. I would have to say I agreed with her.

So there you have it. Our trip to Washington, D.C.: Beginning, Middle and End. I hope you enjoyed it all and I would highly, highly recommend anyone to go.

Zoey's 1st Day of Preschool

Wednesday Kent and I took Zoey to a "meet and greet" at her school. She got to play with some of the kids and we got all the info on the preschool. Zoey's teachers seemed really nice. And they were very prepared. They told us about what a day in the classroom might be like. Just very organized. I was relieved. I mean, it was hard enough to send Jon Kent off to school and then to just turn around and send Zoey off as well. I wanted to make sure she would be taken care of and from the looks of things, she will be. And I am pretty sure she will learn in leaps and bounds.


Today, I took Zoey for her first "official" day of preschool. She will be going for the full 3 hours. She was excited. Very excited. The drop-off line was crazy. All the parents who apparently didn't show up to the orientation were there snapping pictures, video taping, etc. their kids. We were told to just come and drop them off with their teacher. So that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. But today wasn't about me. And as long as Zoey didn't care (she didn't) then I wasn't going to show that it irritated me. She got right out of the car and headed to her teacher. That girl is growing up right in front of me. Didn't bat an eyelash. I am about 30 minutes away from picking up her and her brother. Can't wait to hear how her day went.

Good times.

Jon Kent's 1st Day of School

Yesterday was Jon Kent's first day of school. I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we have already come to this chapter in our lives. From here on out he will be going to school and I will have to share my time with him. It's hard to truly believe.

Yesterday started out pretty well. I got up around 5:30am and started getting his lunch packed and breakfast going. Kent went and woke Jon Kent up at 6am so he could wake up a little bit before eating. He was still sleepy, but was excited about starting school. Once he ate we got him dressed and then woke up his sister and brother. They were both a bit harder to wake up. Especially Nathan since he is still sick from his viral infection (hand, foot and mouth). We took pictures and then headed to school.

The school parking lot was crazy. Cars everywhere. In the grass, on the side of the road, pulled over curbs, etc. Kids were running everywhere, parents were snapping pictures.. it was just chaos. We found our way to Jon Kent's classroom and found his cubbyhole. He hung his backpack and lunch box up. I took a few more pictures of him while he looked around the room. Then, he found a sit and we all said our good-byes and I love yous. It was so bittersweet. There I was as proud as I could be of him for not crying and yet I wanted to cry and scoop him right back up and go home. I was watching him grow up right in front of my eyes.

The house was unusually quiet all day yesterday. Zoey and Nathan didn't really seem to know what to do without their brother. In fact, Nathan asked for him a few times. Our routine was completely out of whack. It was a slow go kind of day for sure. And to add on to that, Nathan was just a bear because his mouth was hurting him so much.

At around 2:15pm we left to go pick Jon Kent up. The carline was pretty packed as well. It took me about 30 minutes to get to the front of the line and picked Jon Kent up. When he saw my car he had a huge grin on his face and yelled, "Momma!!!!!" It was so sweet and I was just so excited to see him, too. He got in the car and started talking none stop. Just jabbering on and on about his day. He said that he only, almost cried once and that was because he was missing me. Then he said that he did meet a friend, but didn't know his name. He said he got to play in the arts and craft center, but hoped that he could play in the playdoh section next time. I asked him if he wanted to go back again tomorrow and he asked me why. Like, why do I have to go again?

Once Kent got home, Jon Kent spilled his day all over again to him. He was just so excited about his entire day. He also talked to his great grandparents and to my daddy and shared the details with them as well.

I am just so proud beyond words of my first baby boy. Who is quickly becoming a big boy. We've met another milestone and my heart is so very full of joy.

Only one more person being able to celebrate this day would have made it better, but my momma was with me in memory.

A girl and her dinosaurs

While Kent and I were in D.C. (I promise the rest of our trip will be coming.. eventually) we picked up the boys some dinosaur t-shirts and some dinosaur toys. Their sister got a butterfly t-shirt and a toy giraffe (her favorite animal, currently) and a little pouch type thing that she can put all her "treasures" and other stuff in. Anyway, the boys loved their stuff, as did Zoey. But.. those cute little dinosaurs did their magic on Zoey and she couldn't resist. So, for the past few days (going on a week now) she has been playing and sleeping (!!) with those plastic, prehistoric wonders. What can I say.. she takes after her momma.. she is all tomboy. Flowers and ruffles just aren't enough for her. :)

Washington D.C.: The Middle

Our 2nd day was amazing. It started with us taking a segway tour. If you have never ridden on a segway then it might seem intimidating. I was certainly nervous about doing it. But the guide was very helpful and made sure the group as a whole was ready to ride around the city safely. It was about a 3 hour tour. We made several stops and got to really see the whole city. The guide said if we were to take the same tour, on foot, it would take us about 8 hours without stopping. We stopped at the Lincoln memorial, Vietnam memorial, Koren memorial, White House, the Capitol) Some of the facts that we picked up along the way were that at the Navy memorial (where the Navy band plays) that once a year Navy sailors bring water from all the waters they occupy and sail in and dump it into the water foundation. Also that the Lincoln memorial that Lincoln's hands are in sign language of an "A" and "L". A funny fact is of Ulysses S. Grant's memorial is that he commissioned his own memorial and he wanted to make sure that the horse he was on had its "rear" facing the Capitol because he hated Congress so much at the time. I learned so much on that one tour. Our guide was very knowledgeable in all things DC. After our tour we went into Chinatown and ate at "Matchbox". They had really good pizza and what I call a mozzarella sandwich. Very good. We then took a well deserved break for the afternoon and then went out to a nice restaurant called "Fogo de Chao". It's a place that if you don't like meat, that you probably wouldn't enjoy. I am not a vegetarian but I am not a great meat eater either. So it was OK. They had a really good salad bar though. After dinner we just walked the streets for a bit. Looking at the different buildings and just talking. It was nice.

On day three we had another full day lined up. We went to the National Museum of American History. I would say the highlight of this stop was seeing the actual flag that inspired the nation's anthem, "The Star-Spangled Banner". No one is allowed to take pictures of it, but it was amazing to just look at. So awesome to get to view that great piece of American history. After visiting there we took the LONG walk across The Mall to the Capitol building. Where we got to take a guided tour. That was amazing as well. To look around and stand in spots that you know our forefathers had once stood in, was.. well just wonderful. The Rotunda was breathtaking. It was an unforgettable experience for sure. I highly recommend anyone to get tickets for the tour. Well worth the $1.00 we each paid to take it. Also, I might add here, we didn't get to go into the Washington Monument because we didn't realize tickets were so hard to come back. So, if you plan to go at some point go ahead and get tickets online. I believe they are like $1.50 online. Free if you get there early in the morning first. So after the Capitol we went to the "National Museum of Natural History". We spent well over 3 hours in here. We saw an IMAX movie (roughly 40 minutes, although Kent nor I was very impressed) and just explored the 3 floors. A lot to see there for sure. Animals of all kinds, space stuff, different ages stuff, etc. We saw Abraham Lincoln's top hat, the Hope Diamond, money throughout the nation's history, the First Ladies' dresses, etc. A lot to see. After the museum we were exhausted. So we headed back to the hotel to freshen up and get some dinner. We ate at "Meiwah" which is a Chinese restaurant. It was probably the best Chinese I have ever eaten. Really good. In fact, after writing that and thinking about it I have a huge craving for more sweet and sour chicken. With our stomachs full we headed back to the room to rest and get a good night's sleep.

Another step

My computer desk/area is a mess. I mostly blame this on my husband. Because most of the junk laying all over is his. And I don't know what I can throw away and what I can't. But some of the blame falls on me. Some of this junk is mine as well. Still.. most of it is his.

Moving on...

There has been a vanilla envelope sitting on the desk for over 5 months now. It is filled with every sympathy card, note, newspaper clipping, etc. from my momma's passing. I have left it there, because I wasn't really ready to put it away. I don't really know why, I just wasn't. But today, I looked at it and told myself it was time to put it away in my memories box. So, I opened it up and read a few of the cards and letters. I broke down. And I am tearing up even as I type this. I had forgotten that I put an empty envelope in there. Couldn't remember why I had done that until I flipped it over and realized it was one of the last cards my momma sent me. I saved the envelope because it had my momma's handwriting on it. I held it close and cried. I wanted my momma back and not just her handwriting. I want my momma back and not just her handwriting.

I thought that surely after 5+ months of her being gone, that I would have come to grips with her passing. And mostly, I have. But there are moments, days that it just hits me hard. Takes my breath away. Makes me ask why. I have come to realize that the hole in my life that she left is just the way it is going to be. There is no undoing it, it isn't a dream and I am not going to wake up to my old life. This is it.

I have noticed that when I am really missing her, that I usually will dream about her. And I did that last night. I don't really remember the dream, but I just know she was in it. I'll take whatever I can get.

After putting all the cards and letters back into the envelope I went and put it all in my memories box. I had another good little cry and that was that. Another attempt to move forward. Taking it one step, one day at a time.

Washington D.C. : The Beginning

I don't know how many of these entries there will end up being. I am going to just type and add pictures until I am tired I suppose. So here we go---

We got up before the birds Monday morning to get to the airport. It was my first time flying, so of course I got no sleep the night before. And yet I sprung out of bed and was ready to go. At the airport Kent had to get totally frisked. I was pretty amused by the fact. It was because Kent wears an insulin pump and they had to make sure he was telling the truth about it. The flight itself was enjoyable. I was a nerd and looked out the window the whole time. Got a couple of great pictures as well. Once we landed, we had a layover of about 2 hours. Which was better than some of the people I was eavesdropping in on. Our final flight into DC was good. Read a little bit, looked out the window, ate some peanuts, the usual.. At the airport we found our way into the Metro and hoped for the best. We did get lost once we got back on the street and all I could think was, "I told Kent to get a taxi..". We finally did find our way to our hotel. Our hotel was nice, except for the construction going on next door. Thankfully, they didn't bother us much since we weren't usually there during their working hours. We unloaded our stuff and went in search for a place to eat. We ended up choosing, "The Front Page". They had one of the best cheeseburgers I have ever had. Kent got a steak and said it was really good as well. I would highly recommend it to anyone going to DC and are in need of casual place to eat. We had planned a tour for the evening and were wasting time before that, so we headed to Union Station. While there we shopped a little bit and went across the street to the Postal Museum. Kent's grandfather used to be a postman, so we went to check it out and take some pictures for him. Before entering we had to be screened and of course the metal detector went off because of Kent's pump. Kent showed the guy his pump, while trying to explain to him what it was. The security guy wanted him to take it off and Kent told him he couldn't. The guard wanted to know why, so Kent lifted his shirt to show that it was attached to his body. It was kind of annoying, but I understood the reasoning.. still irritated me a bit that people just sometimes don't listen. Anyway, once we got past that blunder the rest of the visit went well. We then headed back over to Union Station to take our night tour of DC. We got to visit several places (Jefferson Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, Iwo Jima memorial) and learn many new facts about DC. It was a definitely a tour to remember. Our first day in DC was full and we were tired. Great sleep was had by all!

*HUGE SIGH*

Blogger has been a pain in my rear for the past couple of days. Will not let me load pictures currently, for whatever reason. I have several entries typed up about my trip to DC. I went to slide.com to just do a slide show and that was going fine until I deleted the slide show accidentally.. soooo with that, I am calling it a night. I will try again when I have some free time.