Wednesday, February 23, 2011

One year

One full year.
One lap around the sun.
365 days of not having my momma here.
One full year.
365 days of my momma being at the feet of Jesus.

It's hard to be upset for a long period of time when I think of it like that.  How perfect she is now.  How she no longer has to cry, suffer, take shots.  How she is always happy and smiling.  How her body is made whole.  She is now whole.  What she is experiencing, I am promised.

So, yes, it still hurts.  I still cry.  My heart still aches.  I still want to pick up the phone to call her.  I still constantly think of her and feel the empty spot in my life.  I still get a sick feeling in my gut if the phone rings and it's an "odd" time to have someone calling.  I think of her every time it snows.  I still relive day after day the last phone call we had together.  I still dream of her and in those dreams I still know she won't be there when I wake up.

The bad side of her death is only here on earth.  The good side of her death is in heaven.  While I will have to endure the bad side for only a season, the good side is coming!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Sad but thankful

Wishing she was here.
Thankful to know where she is.
Longing to see her soon.
Thankful for the life she lead.
Seeing it as an example to live by.
Thankful for the memories.
Wishing there were more.
Thankful for the good-bye.
Wishing it could have been put off.
Thankful that because HE lives I can face tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A year ago.

A year ago you were here.
We went shopping.
We bought Zoey not one, but two Easter dresses.
We looked for the boys some outfits but found none.
We bought some people at church gifts for their up coming birthdays.
We looked and picked out cards for you to send to your many friends through the year.
I had an urge to take you to a few more places, but knew you and daddy needed to get back home.
I thought I could save them for the next time you were in town.
You walked out my front door where we exchanged hugs and I love you's.
It would be the last time I would ever get to hug you.
It would be the last time I got to hear I love you.
A year ago you were still here.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I will praise You in this storm.

Six days from today will be February 15th.  That time last year was the last time I saw my momma alive.  Two weeks from today will be the day that my heart will always ache from.  The day that one phone called changed who I am.  It's almost been a whole year.  It seems unreal that a whole year has come and gone and that she missed it all.  In the same thought, sometimes it feels like it's been years.  And sometimes it feels like only days.  It's still so surreal at times.  Still hurts.  Still makes me question things.  But there is still peace.  How I am ever thankful for that peace.


Monday evening Kent and I were laying in bed watching some TV before going to sleep and I had my left arm pulled back and had some slight discomfort around my left breast and chest bone.  So I felt around and found a lump.  I thought it might have been caused from the under wire of my bra and figured I would recheck it in the morning and see what it felt like then.  So the morning came and went (I got busy) and later that evening I felt of it again and it was still there.  I decided that I would call the doctor's office first thing in the morning (today).  So that's what I did.  They were very compassionate about the whole thing and were able to squeeze me in.  The doctor did her examination and felt the lump that I had found and then found another one in the same breast.  She said that more than likely they are just cysts and will resolve themselves.  She wants me to go through a whole menstrual cycle to see if it changes any with my cycle.  So if the lumps aren't resolved then I have an appointment to go back March 9th for another examine and possible ultra sound.

It's nerve racking to a point.  But I am not letting my mind go too far down that road.  I know that God already knows and is already there.  I am in His hands and as a child of His He will take care of me.

Storms.  I want to be able to say that I praised Him through it all.

Friday, February 4, 2011

House makeover continues...

I am sorry this is taking so long to get posted.  But really.. with 3 kids, some in school, some not.. Crazy schedules of basketball and cheerleading, sicknesses and just trying to find time to relax as a family.. it's a wonder I ever got anything painted to begin with.  So far we have Zoey's room done, guest bathroom done (minus getting some things on the wall... still...), the living room, computer area and hallways done.  Computer area still needs some stuff hung up (trying to find some cute frames for the kids' pictures).  Let to do is the boys' room, kitchen and master suite.  I believe the kitchen color is decided on.  Jon Kent keeps changing his color (so I guess that means mom gets to choose.. ;) ) and I am fairly sure I know the color of the master.  I will be glad once it's all done.  Anyway, without further delay... pictures of the living room!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Winter- Ramblings of a bored SAHM who is sick of SICK!

I am beginning to hate winter.  And this time, I don't think hate is a strong enough word.  Despise?  Would like to choke slam it....  Although, I am not exactly sure how I would go about choke slamming winter.

I digress...

Let's see.. since Saturday evening at least one of my kids have been sick.  As the days progressed all of them came down with a fever.  Jon Kent had strep throat and Zoey and Nathan had/have fevers.  Nathan's went up to 104.4 last night.  After giving him some Motrin and rechecking his temp later it was down too 100.6.  I had to laugh though, because had Nathan been my first, we probably would have been at the ER within minutes.  Today, Jon Kent went back to school for the first time all week.  He was less than thrilled.  He had gotten used to lounging all day, doing crafts with me and coloring, reading and playing video games.  I am all for lounging here and there (heck, most days I don't get out of my Pj's until lunch) but day after day after day... no thanks.  I need sunshine and fresh air!  Zoey got to go to school 1.5 days this week.  Not looking good for her to go back tomorrow.  We'll see what her temp is after her nap.  Really would like for her to be able to go to school tomorrow.  If only to get out of the house herself.

In the midst of all this, we have family coming in to town tomorrow.  They know of the sickness and have been warned.  Plans were semi on hold for their arrivals, but I think we will all be better by tomorrow evening and if nothing else, the extra set of hands (sanitized hands!) will be welcomed from this too tired to honestly give a rat's patooty about anything but getting some rest.  Rest that will have to come AFTER I am done cleaning and disinfecting the house.  Yay! Not.

I must admit though, it's nice to be able to move around for more than a few minutes without someone needing something or me.  I have though, enjoyed the snuggles and cuddles.  Just wish they didn't have to be sick to let me hold them for any amount of time.

Where was I going with this post?  Hmm, not really sure...


SUMMER!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU???????????????????????