Wednesday, February 23, 2011

One year

One full year.
One lap around the sun.
365 days of not having my momma here.
One full year.
365 days of my momma being at the feet of Jesus.

It's hard to be upset for a long period of time when I think of it like that.  How perfect she is now.  How she no longer has to cry, suffer, take shots.  How she is always happy and smiling.  How her body is made whole.  She is now whole.  What she is experiencing, I am promised.

So, yes, it still hurts.  I still cry.  My heart still aches.  I still want to pick up the phone to call her.  I still constantly think of her and feel the empty spot in my life.  I still get a sick feeling in my gut if the phone rings and it's an "odd" time to have someone calling.  I think of her every time it snows.  I still relive day after day the last phone call we had together.  I still dream of her and in those dreams I still know she won't be there when I wake up.

The bad side of her death is only here on earth.  The good side of her death is in heaven.  While I will have to endure the bad side for only a season, the good side is coming!

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