Friday, April 23, 2010

At the car wash.. yea!

The kids and I washed the car today. Or rather.. I washed the car and they.. well.. washed themselves. Jon Kent didn't partake in the soap part, although he did get pretty wet. Nathan found it quite funny to put soap on his hands and chase Jon Kent all around the car... because.. he's the little brother and that's what he is supposed to do.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Time keeps ticking on

When I found out my momma died the world seemed to stop. Time wasn't relevant at that point. It seemed like everything just stood still. As we were driving back to Alabama I watched all the cars drive by. Saw people going in and out of stores and gas stations. Their lives were still going. Didn't they know my momma just died? Of course not. But I felt like the whole world should have known and that everyone should be walking around with a sad face and red puffy eyes. I wanted everyone to look and act just like I was. The world didn't really stop and time didn't stand still. People's lives were still moving on. That day and the days that followed I wondered if life would ever start moving again.

It did. Thankfully. And at the same time I look in the mirror and think.. should my world really be spinning again. Shouldn't I make it, want it to stand still longer. Out of respect or mourning or something? The answer is no. I shouldn't want my life to stop just because my momma died. She wouldn't want it to and I would be doing an injustice to the very God that created life by not living the life He has granted me for the time being. Her time is over, not mine. So many times I just want to stay in bed, stuff my face with food or just sit in front of the TV.. while stuff my face with food. I just want my life and the people in it to stop moving, to stop spinning and to just leave me alone to mope. But again, if I do that I am not living. My momma would be disappointed and so sad if she knew that I let her death stop my life.

So instead, I am living. Granted there are still times and days that I still just ask the world to stop.. for my life's activities to stop for that time because my heart is so heavy. But then I look around. See my kids, see that they have a life ahead of them and their lives continuing on depends on my life continuing so.. so we continue on. Some days it like walking around with cement blocks on my feet, but we make it. And that's how life after a death is. Sometimes all you can do it just make it. And that's OK.

It's OK because if I didn't carry on I wouldn't see my baby girl and her daddy dancing in the kitchen. I wouldn't be able to take my kids to register for school. Or see my two handsome boys and their new haircuts.

I wouldn't share amazing hugs with my husband or long conversations with new friends.

My life now is so different than it was almost 2 months ago. It changed, a lot. And some of those changes have been great ones. Ones that wouldn't have happened otherwise. My momma was an amazing woman with a social, outgoing personality. And I didn't inherit that.. not one bit. But through her death, I saw what an impact she had because of it and I am trying to model myself into doing the same. And I can't do that if I don't decide each and everyday to carry on.

I love you momma and while my heart is heavy I continue to carry on so that your memory, your grandchildren and your daughter can live on.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Pictures from my phone.. in no particular order

Jon Kent and Zoey doing school in their books and Nathan coloring in his coloring book.

Totally bad hair day, man!

Jon Kent and his basketball trophy. He was so proud!

Nathan and Zoey playing a game together.

Showing my rings. The middle one is my momma's engagement ring. It's currently at Griffin's getting made into a necklace.

Nathan and Jon Kent after getting up from their naps.

This was taken when Kent was really sick. That boy and his pillow...

I found this one my phone. Zoey taking a picture of herself. I find weird pictures all the time from where the kids got my phone and starting snapping away.

Nathan getting a breathing treatment at the doctor.

All the kids climbing on a "rock wall" at the park.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Jon Kent Snippets

For those who are new here or who may just not "get" why I write in this blog, I want to clarify my reasoning for doing "this". I blog for my kids. Not for anyone else's entertainment or to satisfy their nosiness. I do it in hopes that one day when the kids are older and bored or are procrastinating doing their homework or actual work that they will sit and read about their lives. And how I interpreted it. There are/will be so many things that they do that I know I will forget about. I want them to read about those times. When something "small" happened but it made such an impact on me that day that I decided to type in out. So.. this is for them. I love you Jon Kent, Zoey and Nathan. I hope in some small way.. that you can see that through this blog.

Now that all that is out.. on to my real reason for writing this entry.

Today the kids and I planted a garden. It's our first one. It's small and sad looking. I need to take some pictures... They are tomatoes and banana peppers. Something I knew that we would eat.. if.. you know.. they actually survive. Jon Kent has been begging me to plant a garden.. so there you go my little boy. Here's to healthy tomatoes and peppers!!!

Later today the kids and I were outside. They were playing and I was weeding a flowerbed that is in my front yard. We have plans to sod over most of it. It's awkwardly huge and doesn't make a lot of sense in the form it's in. So we are going to sod most of it and then the rest will be the remaining flower bed. ANYWAY.. I was weeding it and Jon Kent wanted to help. He is also so good about helping do stuff like that. Anything to do with yard work and he wants to do it. So after awhile Zoey and Nathan had wondered inside to cool off and I am sure to watch something on Noggin... excuse me.. it's NickJr now. Jon Kent stuck with it. He did it all the way until there wasn't much else to weed. I was finishing up leveling it all back out when he goes inside. A few minutes later he comes back out with a cup of water. "Here momma, this is for you. I know you would like it since you are hot." How sweet!?!?! It made my heart melt and grow all at the same time. Makes me feel like I must be doing something right.

Later this evening I was giving the kids a bath and was getting Jon Kent out. I noticed a rash on his leg. It was pretty big and I couldn't figure out what would have caused it. I asked Jon Kent did it hurt or itch and he said no. I said has it been there long? He said he didn't know. I knew it hadn't been because I had changed his clothes twice that day and never noticed it. So a little time goes by and I heard him say.. "Oooooh, no... I hope this isn't 'itchy-leg-itis'. I just laughed. The things that boy can come up with. He's a hoot!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

What a day!!

All the kids had doctor appointments today. Jon Kent and Zoey's were for vaccinations and Nathan's was for his 2 year check up. Nathan weighed in at 30.6 pounds and 32.5 inches tall. He had to get his finger pricked to test his hemoglobin. He wasn't happy. He then got a full check up. Doctor put him on Singular hoping for preventive measures with his asthma and allergies. She also referred him to see a foot specialist (name escapes me right now(orthopedic..I remembered!)) for his boed feet. His is really bad and after she actually got to see him walk around, she agreed. So we are waiting for that appointment to be set up. Then after waiting for what seemed like forever, Jon Kent and Zoey were up for their shots. I asked for volunteers and Jon Kent gladly came forth. The only time he winced up was when the nurse grabbed his leg to get his muscle. But after that he did just fine. He was so proud of himself and so was I. Awesome little boy he is! Zoey.. well... I had to chase her down. She ran little circles in the room trying to get away from me. And then she scream and cried enough for her and Jon Kent both. She was none too thrilled with the whole idea. I told her that at least it was in her leg and not her booty like I used to have to get when I was her age! She found that somewhat funny and repeated it to everyone who would listen.. "My momma had to a get a shot in her butt!!!!" Nice. So after the doctor we drove the 45 minutes to the town Kent works in to have lunch with him. We then let the kids play on the playground for a bit. Then it was time for Kent to head back to work. Boo. So I took the kids to Wal-Mart for a special toy for being so good at the doctor's office. Afterwards we came home and I cleaned up a bit and they talked with their great grands and told them of their adventures. Jon Kent also realized that he has another loose tooth! He has been wiggling that thing all day with his tongue. I cooked supper, we ate and then went to church. Then it was back home for baths and bed. What a day!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Spring Break

We spent "spring break" in Alabama. It was my daddy's spring break so I decided to go down for a long visit. On the way down my car broke down. I was in the far left lane on the interstate when all of a sudden my gas pedal seemed to just quit working. I pressed it down to the floorboard and nothing. No acceleration or anything. So I coast to the far side of the rode and barely just make it off the interstate before my car comes to a complete stop. I start to freak out a bit because I was afraid we were going to be stuck there for a couple hours until Kent could get to us and also that we would be hit from behind. It was also 88 degrees that day, so it didn't take long for the car to get hot. After making several phone calls, Kent decided to come one way and my daddy and Kent's dad decide to come the other. So I sat there for a bit and my daddy calls and tells me to go ahead and turn the car on since we knew by that point that the problem wasn't the oil (I checked it all by myself!). So I turned the car on to cool us off a bit and tried to press the gas pedal to see if it worked and it did!! So, I took off trying to find a good exit to stop and wait for Kent. But the exits I was near were all unsafe so I just kept going. I felt pretty confident that the car was fine, so Kent turned around and my daddy and Barry kept coming towards me until we finally met up and then they followed me the rest of the way home. I was so thankful and relieved to have them behind me. We made it to Alabama just fine. We determined that it was the fuel filter and that probably some trash got in my gas and caused it to block the flow of fuel to my car. We changed out the fuel filter and all has been good since.

The rest of the week was spent doing lots of things. My daddy and I had several days to go through some of my momma's things. We went through pictures, cookbooks, cards, jewelry and just general stuff. I was thankful for the alone time with my daddy. We also shopped some for the kids some summer clothes. We stayed up late and rented movies as well. When the kids were with us, we went to the park in town and played with my brother, his wife and nephew. And other day we went to a park out of town and fed the ducks and played there. One afternoon, when my daddy had to go to the dentist, I took the kids to another park and we had ice cream there and played. When the kids went to visit their great grandparent and other grandparents they played at the park, fished (Jon Kent caught his first fish!!!), played at the arcade, went to a petting zoo and played the Wii. Our week was full of family, indeed.

Especially since my momma passed away, I am all too familiar with how important any and all family time is. I kept thinking how much my momma would have enjoyed the week. She had already taken it off for a vacation. So I am glad I did get to spend so much time with my daddy, not to replace the time that would have been spending with my momma but to cherish the time I DO get to spend with my daddy. So, thank you daddy for letting us (mostly me) stay with you. I really, really enjoyed it.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Nathan's Birthday Celebrations

Nathan had a good 2nd birthday. Even though we were in Alabama and away from Kent we still managed to give Nate a good birthday. I did the "stick candles in some sort of breakfast food" tradition. My parents always did that for me and I have always done it for my kids. Nathan didn't blow out his candles though. But his brother and sister helped him out. After breakfast, Nathan opened up his small gift from us (Kent and me) although my daddy wouldn't let me pay for it, so I guess it would technically be from him. :) We put the motorcycle together and he rode it for a bit but his older brother is the one who really took to it. As long as it gets used....

The next evening I had a small family party for him at the local streak house. Most of the family showed up. Others had previous plans and other circumstances that came up. Nathan was showered with many gifts. A bicycle helmet with horn (thanks Daddy...), shoes, football, cars, golf thingy and two spiderman cars. He had a good time with it all. He didn't blow out his candle on his cupcakes either. Maybe next year.

When we arrived home Kent had some presents waiting on Nathan. He got a portable gaming system (Leapfrog), a game to go with it, a bat and ball set and a small toy motorcycle. He was a happy camper for sure.

I can't believe that two years have come and gone already. Thankful for the two healthy years that we have had with him. Very thankful!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Happy 2nd Birthday, Nathan!

Two years.. really? Wow. You have grown and changed so much from the tiny (well.. tiny-ish) baby that I brought home from the hospital. While you still sleep much like a newborn.. that I totally don't miss. You are growing in your words and motor skills with leaps and bounds. Sometimes I forget that you are only two. You are a character and you make no apologies for it. While that will get you in trouble and give me a head full of gray hairs, I wouldn't have any other way. You are you. God made you just the way He wanted you and really.. who can argue about that? Thank you for coming into my life two years ago. Thank you for all the hugs, kisses and "Mommmmmmmaaaaa, I'm fruuuuuuuuuuu's" and the "Hold chew's". Lord willing, I pray for many more birthdays to come!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Nathan! I love you with all my heart.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Easter Day

What an adventurous day! We started off early. Got us and the kids ready for church. They were all decked out in their Easter best. They all totally rocked it.. in my humble motherly opinion. We had a wonderful service at church. Have I mentioned lately that I love my church? Well, I do. They are such a blessing to myand my family's life. So after church we grab a quick lunch and finish packing up the car. The kids and I said our good-bye's to Kent and we headed on our way. We get about 110 miles from home and my car breaks down. I would press the gas, the car wouldn't go. I barely made it to the side of the interstate before we quit rolling. I freaked.. a bit. Called Kent.. freaked a little bit more. Kent leaves his grocery cart in Kroger's and starts coming my way. In the mean time, my daddy and Kent's dad start coming my way from the other direction. After sitting there and troubleshooting somethings with Kent I had all but given up. Got off the phone with him and my daddy called and said to cut the car on so the AC would come on. We were getting pretty hot by that time (it was 88 degrees outside). So I did and noticed that the service engine light wasn't on and neither was the high temp or low oil light. So I tried the gas again and it worked. So I was going to drive until I could get in a better spot to let the kids out to play and run around while we waited for someone to come and rescue us. But the area we were in wasn't exactly safe, so I just kept going. I felt like we were fine and knew that my daddy and Barry were also coming and figured it would be better to just keep heading their way. So I did and Kent turned around and went back home to which his grocery cart was still in Kroger's with all his groceries in it. He was pretty happy about that. And we eventually met up with my dad and Barry and made it home safe and sound. We still aren't exactly sure what happened, but we are thinking it had to do with dirty gas. I am just thankful to have made it to Alabama safe and sound! The rest of the day was spent with friends and family at church and eating out for supper with them as well. It was a good day. Thankful for the chance to spend time with family and celebrate my risen Savior!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Thursday's Song

My daddy sent me this today. Please read.

For the first time, or at least that I remember, I dreamed about my wife last night. The dream was kind of based on the movie "The Time Traveler's Wife". In my dream, Candy Sue had "popped" back into my life and we were sitting in our living room talking. I was telling her how I was doing, and some of the things I had done since she left. We were just talking about things in general and we disagreed on something. I said to her that we should not fuss with what little time we had. And I remember saying that it was not fair, because even though she was back with me, I knew that I would wake up one morning and she would be gone again.

At that point I did wake up. 3:13am. I wanted to believe the last 37 days were really the dream. I wanted to reach behind me to see if she were there. But I didn't. I knew she wasn't. And so I laid there, with misty eyes, thinking. I guess eventually I went back to sleep because suddenly the music was blaring from my alarm clock. And there was Steven Curtis Chapman ending his song "Dancing with Cinderella"....
"I don't want to miss even one song, 'cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight, and she'"

Let's just say my morning started with tears of sadness, but the Lord quickly reminded me that it was April 1st. No, not April Fools Day, but it was the day that my wife felt the drawing of the Holy Spirit. It was the day that He sealed her for all eternity. It was the day she was born again. It was the day that tells me that I will see her again. And there, the clock will never strike midnight.

Today is going to be a great day!

April 1st

April 1st is one very important day to me. Not because I am some prankster. Although, I am all for pranking! But this day has two very special meanings to me.

April 1st is my momma's spiritual birthday. Meaning this was the day she accepted Jesus to be her Savior and Lord. How I am grateful for God choosing this day before the foundation of the world to be the date of my momma's spiritual birthday. Because with that I have a peace beyond any one's understanding that my momma is in heaven. And while my heart still and will always ache to talk to her, to share my life with her, for my kids to have her in their lives growing up, I still know exactly where she is and she isn't suffering from all the imperfections of this world. Today may be a day for "jokes" but it's a day that I will be celebrating for the spiritual rebirth of my momma for as long as the Lord leaves me here. Happy Spiritual Birthday, Momma! What a celebration you must be having today!

And then this time last year Kent calls me up and tells me we are moving. Moving two states from "home" and starting a whole new chapter in our lives. What a day to find out, huh? I was pretty excited. Excited that Kent got a promotion and excited to finally spread our wings. How much our lives have changed since that day. We have made livelong friends, moved into a great neighborhood, found an amazing church and have really settled in so well. God knew we would need this support system. He knew I would. And I am so thankful.

So Happy Fool's Day everyone. I know today I have a lot to celebrate!