Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Six years ago today.

I was at home. Completely out of it. Curled up in a tiny ball, with a huge blanket completely covering my body, head to toe, and I was sweating bullets. It was so freaking hot under that blanket but I was just too exhausted, weak to take it off. Not to mention, I didn't care to see another person who might be on the outside of that blanket. I just wanted to be invisible and to be honest I just wanted whoever was out there to just go away.

I was recovering from my second surgery, second miscarriage. I was done.

And six years later here I am. Three healthy, beautiful kids later and thankfully I came out from under that blanket. It took time. And from time to time I think what could've been. But mostly, I know that I wouldn't have it any other way.

Time does heal some wounds. Takes longer for some people. Each situation is different. That night I thought my world had ended. I felt like a failure. Like my own body had turned against me and that I had let my whole family and especially my husband down. But the reality is that it was the right time. God had other plans and while I still don't understand them I know I am better for the path I had to take to get where I am.

Six years ago today I was sad, hurting and hot. Now, I am happy, loved and filled with the warmth of having a wonderful family.


Tiffany Lockette said...

And blessed with a beautiful family. Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and I hope 2010 brings nothing but blessings your way.

Kristine said...

I'm sorry you had to suffer. I know how hard it is. :( If it wasn't for my m/c, I wouldn't know Mad and I could never imagine that for a single second. Now look at what you have...a gorgeous family to cherish!

Bridgett said...

I just can't imagine how painful miscarriages must be...both physically and mentally. But mostly, emotionally.