Sunday, February 28, 2010

My life just completely changed.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 was a beautiful day here in South Carolina. Beautiful. The kids and I were outside playing after naps just enjoying the sunshine and waiting on Kent to get home from work. At 4:19pm my momma called to chit chat about this and that. We talked about how we both were looking forward to Kent, myself and the kids going to Alabama for the weekend. She told me how Zoey told her she was looking forward to sleeping with her Gramsie. I asked if her and my daddy wanted to keep the kids one night while we were there. We decided on Friday. She asked me to pick up two cards for her that she had forgotten to get while she was up here. I told her I would. She also told me about a fainting spell she had had earlier. We both really thought nothing of it because she said she didn't feel well, could have been low blood sugar since she was diabetic and said it came and went very quickly. She sounded happy, peaceful even. I remember thinking that while I was talking to her. She then said she needed to get back to work and we said our good-byes (no I love yous, which I am regretting like something horrible now). Not 5 minutes later a 911 call was being made for her. Not 5 minutes later... That still blows my mind. At first we thought it was a while later, but after putting all the pieces together we figured it all out. My daddy called her, which he normally didn't do, on his way home from work. They chit chatted about stuff as well and he commented that he also remembered how happy she sounded. They said good-bye and I love you and then she turned around and called me. I truly believe it was the hand of God allowing us our good-byes. How else would all that have happened the way it did and how close it did to her passing away?

My momma's death was sudden and unexpected. No one would have even imagined that 5 days ago would be my momma's last day. But it was. And she was ready for it. She knew who her Lord and Savior was. On an April fools day 20 some odd years ago she gave her heart to Jesus. So while I mourn the loss of my momma, I know exactly where she is. I know that she is at the feet of Jesus. That she is with the two babies that I miscarried. And while it hurts me to know she won't get to see all the milestones my kids meet, that she is enjoying her grandbabies that even I haven't seen. That comforts my heart. My aching heart.

I knew my momma was social and giving. But I didn't fulling realized how much until her viewing. At my momma's viewing was breath taking. Many people waited for over 2 hours in line to see her and talk to the family. People were lined all throughout the funeral home and outside in the cold to pay their respects. People parked down the street from the funeral home and walked because the parking lot was filled. Person after person came by and told me how my momma had touched their life one way or the other. Through a card, a note, a phone call, a special small gift at the right time. This went on for over 3 hours. Person after person after person. It opened my eyes to so many things that I didn't see or appreciate before. But I do now. I am seeing life differently now. I wish it didn't have to come after the loss of my momma, but it did and I know that she would be so proud and honored.

The town put a sign on their marque saying, "In Memory of Candy Sue Ponder. April 28, 1954-February 23, 2010" on an antique theater in the middle of the town square. There was an article in the paper about her and how she support the local college. My momma was an amazing woman, who loved people and loved her family.

My momma's funeral couldn't have gone better. Well.. as well as a funeral can go. She was remembered, honored, the Word of God was preached and we got to say our final good-bye. But one day, one day.. we will meet again. I long for that day, but I am also in no hurry for it to come. I know she wouldn't be either. So until that day does come I am going to have an ache in my heart and a new appreciation of life. That it comes and goes so suddenly that we need to say I love you now, to tell those who are dear to us that they are appreciated and amazing and to live each and everyday like it could be our last and to tell other's about Jesus and how He came to save us from our sins.

I will forever miss my momma. I will forever long to tell her something, to ask her about something, to just talk to her. I will forever and ever love her.

12 comments:

TnL's Mommy said...

Your post was truly amazing!! You said those words so well. WOW!!! You have and still truly inspire me!! I know all too well the feeling of not saying I love you, as I didn't either the last time I talked to my mom. I also have those feelings (yes still over 3 years later) of wanting to call her, to talk to her.

Keep thinking of how at peace your Momma is. You are such a positive person. Hang in there, as I won't say it gets easier. It has it's times that is for sure and just embarace them. How are the kids doing with it? I hope they are doing ok or as well as can be expected of such little ones! My heart aches for you to have to go thru this...I am still praying for you and your family!

Amy said...

you are right - God did give you the chance to have that last moment with her. It happened with both of my parents - the day before each of them died I had an amazing, long conversation with each of them. And don't you dare worry yourself about not telling her you loved her - I know you well enough to know you told her often and more than that - you showed her - she never doubted it. A friend of mine who is an amazing Christian lost her 11 year old daughter to a brain tumor a few months ago and her strength and faith is amazing. One of the things she always says is instead of Rest in Peace or RIP she always says LIP - Live in Peace. She knows her daughter is now living in peace with Jesus. Love you sweetie!

Stephanie said...

Oh Emily. My heart aches for you. That was a beautiful post, written so eloquently at a time when I am sure the words and thoughts are difficult to process. It sounds like your momma was truly a beautiful, kind, well-loved woman. I am so sorry that she had to go back home so soon. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Brandi said...

(((hugs))) I'm praying for you Emily. I know what you are feeling right now because I have been in your shoes just a few years ago when I lost my Dad. Just make sure you let it out just like you did in this post. You have a wonderful support system and that will help you a lot. Like you said in your post your Mom is in the kingdom of heaven and you will see her again one day. Please know I am hear if you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask.

Connie said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.
What a nice rememberance by her friends and family.
Know she is watching and listening to you all now..
Live to make her proud...
Many HUGS....

Dana said...

Emily,

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I heard.. I truly can't imagine what you must be going through. I can see that your mother was an amazing person..

The regret of not saying I love you.. It broke my heart to read that because I know that I would be feeling the same way. I mentioned your blog post to my mother earlier and she said, "Dana, if something like that ever happens, please know that I do and that I know that you do too and that it's not the words you say that make me know that you love me".

Emily, I haven't even known you very long but without you telling, me I could tell you adored your mom just from the limited conversation that we've had. I have no doubt tha she could too!

And her being with the two babies that you lost.. What a beautiful picture.

Again, please let me know if you need anything..

Christy said...

Oh Emily my heart is aching for you at the loss of your Momma. My dear precious friend Heather's Momma just died very unexpectantly this past Saturday (27th), she also knew and loved Jesus. I'm praying for you and will continue to pray for you through your grief.

Leene said...

It is a true testament to your mother that so many people turned out for the service. I can't imagine what you are going through but have you, Kent, the kids and entire family in my prayers. I am glad you were able to talk with your mother before her passing, so many times people don't get that chance and both you and your Dad were blessed.

Karen said...

Emily,

I haven't stopped thinking about you all and praying for you. My heart is aching for you and the pain you are feeling. I can tell just from the face book posts what an amazing woman she was and can see how many lives she touched. It must be an amazing feeling to know she's in the arms of the Lord. May you find peace and joy from the memories of your momma. Continued thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Kelly Dawn said...

oh emily - my heart is aching for you - i have tears in my eyes and i am thinking about you - if you need anything - anything at all - know i am here -

Kelly

Tiffany Lockette said...

Oh Emily my whole hearts aches for you and your family. I am just now catching up on all my reading so I am late with this message. I am so deeply, deeply sorry about losing your Mom, how heart wrenching. I'm not far from you, if you need me I will get in the car right now, drive to Carolina and hug your neck and lend you my shoulder. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you.

Bridgett said...

I, too, believe it was more than a coincidence that both you and your father got to talk to your mother mere minutes before her passing.

What a blessing to you both.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Em. I just can't imagine the hurt you're feeling now. I know how close you are to your parents.

You have a bunch of people here who love and support you.