Talking and some pictures

We have really enjoyed some beautiful days here lately. This coming week is supposed to be really nice. The kids have really had a good time playing and running around. After a hard winter like we had, it's nice to get out and enjoy the day.

The kids have been playing so well together. Every so often I have to remind Jon Kent and Zoey not to leave Nathan out. But it's rare. Mostly because Nathan, no matter what, is always in the middle of everything. He thinks he is big like his siblings and should be able to do whatever they are doing. His latest is jumping on the trampoline. We seriously need to get a new net for it, because the old one is torn and falling. I am so afraid one of them is going to fall off and break something. But that doesn't stop them.

Nathan is talking in leaps and bounds now. It's so cute to hear him say certain things. And his latest thing that he does, that melts my heart, is at night when I tuck him in I will say, "I love you, Nathan". And he will say, "I ub ewe too, momma". Then it's usually followed with, "Night, night, momma." So sweet. And can you believe it, he will be 2 in 10 days? Wow.

The following pictures were taken last week. Hope for more good spring like days to come!

'Tis the season

For some tee-ball.

Mystery

What could this be? When Kent gets home.. we will see!

Thankful for Spring time!

It has been a gorgeous, gorgeous spring like day here. I am so thankful for it, too. After having so much cold, gloomy weather it's been hard to keep my spirits up. But today, a good dose of sunshine did wonders for me.

The kids and I played outside this afternoon. We also crossed the street and played with some neighbors. The kids still call them "our new neighbors" even though we have been here almost 8 months already. We also went to Chick-Fil-A and grabbed some supper and took it to the park to eat. The kids really thought that was awesome. We ate and played and then took a walk around the neighborhood. It was a great day. I even got a little sun on my face!

Tomorrow is supposed to be a lot like today. I am ever so grateful for another day to get out and enjoy. Kent will be home tomorrow so that will be great, too. He's been having to work 4pm-midnight for the last few nights. Thankfully that is over with tonight.

Here are some pictures from today. Enjoy!

Happy 8 Years!

Today, 8 years ago, I became one with my wonderful husband. It was a wonderful day and it has been a wonderful 8 years. We have been through so much in our marriage and have grown closer. There isn't another person who I would want by my side. Kent has been my rock, my shoulder, my love for 8 years now and even before. I love him more today than I did yesterday and tomorrow I will love him more than today. We might have started out young, but we grew up together and learned about life together. I am thankful to have Kent in my life and thankful that despite my flaws, he still loves me for me.

So Happy Anniversary, Kent. May God bless us with many, many more anniversaries to come!

How it all started..

In honor of our 8th Anniversary that will be tomorrow...

This is our engagement story...

June 9, 2001 was a day that I will always remember.
Kent and I were dating at the time and he was supposed to come over to my house to watch a movie and eat some pizza. I had just gotten out of the shower and threw on a shirt and some shorts, barely fixed my hair and that was that. My daddy walked by and said, "You're wearing THAT?" I thought it strange for my daddy to comment on my attire especially since I was just staying home. But quickly lost thought of it. Kent came over and he was dressed in khakis and a polo shirt and I was like, "huh?". Still didn't think much of it. We put the movie in and the previews started. I got up and was piddling around while the previews were on and just wasting time. Little did I know my daddy and Kent were exchanging eye looks of panic. My cat had just had a litter of kittens a week or so before so I was out checking on them and telling Kent to come look at them. He kept blowing me off and telling me to come back and sit down so we could watch the movie. A bit aggravated I sat back down and was watching the previews. Then finally the screen popped up and it said, "Now for your featured presentation". Instead of going to the movie I see brown shoes and hear Kent's voice. He is reading a poem that he wrote to me a year or so before about being committed to me and how loving isn't a feeling it's a choice to be committed. The whole time he is reading it the camera is slowing moving from his feet to his head. When it finally got to his head he says, "And now Emily I want to make that commitment to you." I look over at Kent and he is on one knee with an engagement ring in his hand. He asks me to marry him. I ask him if he is kidding and he says no and then repeats the question, "Will you marry me?" I, of course, said yes and the wedding plans began.

Hardest

It's hardest in the silence.
When a movie is playing and my mind has a chance to wonder.
It's hardest when my kids do something amazing and I just wanted to share.
It's hardest when I can't sleep and my mind won't stop racing.
It's hardest when I look at my account and see a fee.
It's hardest when I see a place that we could go on the next visit.
It's hardest when I see something Auburn.
It's hardest when I see my daddy and expect my momma to be right beside him.

I don't write these things to make others sad or even myself sad. I write them to get them out. These things bounce around in my head until I finally type them out.

I read today about how it's the little things. When you really look back on your life, what is it that you remember and cherish? What is it that people remember about you? It's the little things. The card, the quick call to check in, the hug, a shoulder, a held hand, a prayer.. The little things that amount to a big thing.

My heart still aches. It's an unexplainable ache that is always present but can be lived through. I laugh and think.. how can I laugh when my heart still aches? But I do. My mind still hasn't wrapped around the fact that this will be my new normal. I sometimes think, but I only got 26 years. Why not more? But even as I type this, I am thinking.. it could have been less. So be grateful for the 26. Be grateful for the times I did have and try not to dwell on the times I won't have.

But it's hard.

Highs and Lows

On so many levels.

So this morning as I was fixing breakfast Zoey comes in very enthusiastically and says:

Zoey: I know how to spell ant.
Me: Spell it.
Zoey: A...... what's that middle one?
Me: N?
Zoey: Yes, n. N... N... Hey! N and N rhyme!!
Me: So how do you spell ant?
Zoey: That last one.. it's has a line going down and a line going across...
Me: T?
Zoey: Yes, T! That's how you spell ant!

And she runs off very satisfied that she just told me how to spell ant.

Today was a pretty day. Two days in a row of beautiful spring like weather. I put the windows up and lit a few candles. The house smelled wonderful. The kids and I played outside this morning before lunch. They had a good time. So did I.

While the kids were napping my former pastor (who is also a dear family friend) called to check in on me and the family. He told me how he was praying for us and would continue to do so. He was telling me how wonderful my momma was and how my daddy is truly a man of God. And how my daddy has always been such a rock. I agreed. After we hung up, for whatever reason I broke down. It's the first time I've cried in about 2 days. I don't mind crying. As my daddy said, it can be very healing. But the way it just comes out of the blue sometimes takes me by surprise.

It's been two weeks.

Two weeks since I've heard my momma's voice. It's hard. And if I am to be quite honest, it sucks. But again, I know exactly where she is at and it's a true comfort in my times of sorrow.

After naps, we all went back outside for some play time. Kent came home about an hour or so later. We all played out in the front yard. Kent and I sat and chatted. Then Sharon, a sweet wonderful lady from my Sunday School class, dropped by to deliver a meal for us. So, I wouldn't have to worry with cooking. I am truly blessed. We came in and ate and then Kent went off to a coaches meeting for the kids' t-ball league. The kids and I went back outside and played until it was almost dark. While we were out there Zoey was dancing and making up songs. This is a little bit of how it went..

Momma and daddy have love.
They do it a lonnnng timmmmme!
They do it with all their heart.
Mommy and daddy have love.

When she first started it, I had to ask her what she said again. At first I thought she said, Momma and daddy make love. I was going to be a bit freaked out if that's what she was really saying!

We came in and I started running the kids a bath. Put the kids in the tub and had even added bubbles in so they could splash and play for a bit before getting their actual baths. Then.. Nathan pooped. The kids started screaming and saying, "Gross! Poopie! Nathan just poopied and I saw the whole thing!" I quickly got them all out of the tub.. cleaned out the tub.. ran a new bath with new bubbles and then put them all back in. Fun times.. really.

After baths the kids got to watch the Backyardigans and then off to bed they went.

All in all it was a great day. Got to enjoy the day with my family.. cry a little and clean out a tub full of poop. What a day!

Standing in the gap.

From a Christian and spiritual stand point I believe that Jesus stood in the gap for me, so that I would have a way to heaven. I believe that He and He alone is the only way to heaven. He stood in that gap for me.

On a physical stand point, I believe that God puts people in our lives to stand in the gap for us when life gets hard. When I found out my momma had passed away I felt like my whole world was turned upside down, thrown around and robbed. I didn't know how I would cope with it. I didn't know how I would learn to carry on. And that's when my family, friends and church stood in the gap for me. They prayed, they called, they took care of my kids, they provided (and are still providing) meals, they sent flowers, sent cards, emailed, text.. you name it they have done it.

I was trying to explain to Kent last night that when momma died I felt like my family chain had weakened. We have one less link now. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought.. well maybe not. When a chain gets shorter, it's actually harder to break. And I think with me and my family we had to get stronger in order to keep carrying on. So, maybe in the long run we will be stronger. Would I rather have my momma back.. of course.. but if this is the hand we were dealt then why not be stronger for it.

So with all that said, I have learned that not only did God provide a way for me to enter heaven through His Son's death on the cross, but He has also provided and continues to provide people to stand in the gap for me here on earth. So that while I go through this difficult time and have this new gap in my life, He is providing people to fill in that gap. Not that my momma can ever be replaced, but that the pain can be lessened.

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way.
By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today.
God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way.

-God Will Make A Way
Words and music by Don Moen

A tooth! A tooth!

I remember the first time I realized Jon Kent had his first tooth. I was riding in the car with my daddy and we were heading home. I don't recall where we were coming from though. Anyway, I was beyond excited. My first baby had his first tooth! And 5ish years later.. he lost his first tooth.

We were at Kent's grandmother's house getting the kids ready to go back to my daddy's house for some play time (2/27/10). I looked down at Jon Kent while he was jabbering about something and said, "Where is your tooth? It's gone!" He looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Huh?" I said, "Your tooth is gone! Where did it go? Did you swallow it?" He said, "Oh.. that. Well, I was eating strawberries and felt something moving around in my mouth so I took it out and put it in the bowl." That bowl was emptied of it's strawberries and was sitting in the sink that was full of soap and water. So Kent's grandmother goes looking through the trash and I thought that maybe it was still in the bowl in the water. And sure enough it was. I was so thankful to have found it! We wrapped it up and he put it under his pillow that night. The next morning the tooth fairy left him $2.

I can't believe he has already lost his first tooth!

The kids

My kids were playing the Wii, Mario Kart, I believe when my daddy called to tell me about my momma dying. Kent was sitting on the couch and I looked over at him in horror. He knew right then and there something was wrong... really wrong. I immediately started yelling. Yelling for my momma, saying it wasn't true, saying No, no, no.. over and over, saying I just talked to her and she sounded fine. All in between sobs and more yelling. To say it freaked my kids out would be an understatement. Kent had to tell them why I was crying.. and yelling. Of course, with them being 5, 4 and almost 2 they couldn't fully understand what was going on. They were crying and scared because of my crying. Zoey kept asking me over and over if I was sad that "Gramsie dieded". I kept telling her yes. As I was rushing around trying to pack and get us on the road I found Zoey in the hallway with her face pressed against the wall crying. I asked her what was wrong. She said that she was sad that Gramsie was dead. I told her I was too and that I loved her and that Gramsie loved her as well. She calmed down a little bit and told me, with tears still in her eyes that, "Gramsie said when she died I could have her jewelry. She knew I didn't have any." I couldn't help but laugh. I had heard my momma say those words several times to Zoey. It was kind of a joke in the family since I said similar words to my Aunt Karen Kay when I was about Zoey's age and my aunt was laying on the couch sick from the flu or something. All the way to Alabama the kids would ask a question here and there. We have tried to answer them to the best of our ability. It's hard though. Because some questions just can't be answered. Zoey said she was sad because Gramsie wouldn't be able to sleep with her and snore like she used to do. I wish they had more time to spend with my momma and to build more memories with her. But on the other hand, with them being so young maybe the heart ache won't be so bad. I'm thankful for the days they did get with my momma and that my momma was alive to see each of them.