Wow. I have let this thing go. Almost 10 days. We have been busy. But I have mostly just lacked motivation to write. To even take pictures. The past few days have been rough. Don't really know why. Well.. dread is why. I had to endure my first Mother's Day without a mother. And really, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I handled it pretty well. I knew it was coming.. I dreaded it like a plague and then all was well. My kids and husband showered me with gifts and cards. I got a new watch, a new iPod, some new earrings, cards, cards made by the kids. It was a really good day. Even got a nap in. But the last 2 or 3 days.. man.. I have been in a deep funk. Depressed even. And I don't use that word lightly. Trust me. I have had no motivation to cook, clean, play, get out and about.. nothing. I just want to sit and do nothing. I have been fighting it with all my might and it's wearing me down. And then on top of that Nathan isn't sleeping well at night. Not that he really ever has. I guess just coupled with everything else it's worn on me more than usual. Tomorrow is my birthday. I have already cried a bucket of tears because my momma won't be here. She birthed me and now she's not here. I, as a momma, always take pride in my kids' birthdays.. because, heck.. I birthed them. Without me they wouldn't have been born.. ya know? So to know that tomorrow.. I will be celebrating a day that I came into this world because my momma wanted me to.. and yet she's not here. It's sad. And really it's hitting me harder than I thought it would. Sucks even. Oh well. I knew it was coming and now that I have had a good cry over it, maybe tomorrow won't be so bad. I am hoping so even. Tomorrow my theme song will be.. "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to". And to add to my valley of a mood.. Jon Kent is sick and running a temp. Really bad cough. Really hoping it's not pneumonia.. He keeps holding to his chest during a deep cough. Lovely. Momma duty calls.. even when it's your birthday.
PS: Truly sorry this is such a sucky post. It is my life right now.