August 26, 2003 was the day I found out we lost our first conceived child. That evening I would see our 13 week old (gestation) baby on a sonogram monitor without a heart beat. I could clearly see his arms and legs. I laid on that table in awe of what was happening. I was seeing my baby for the first and last time. Two days later I would be signing rights over to the hospital to "properly dispose" of my first baby. I was 20 years old and in some ways still a baby myself. I never knew grief like what I was currently going through. I just knew that I was a parent to a child that I would never hold.
December 15, 2003, I was looking at the sonogram machine, again at my 2nd conceived baby. She also didn't have a heartbeat. My already broken heart then shattered. I literally broke down and cried for hours and hours. That day I saw my 2nd baby for the first and last time.
How did this shape me into who I am today? I learned that life isn't fair. That no matter how badly you want something, someone, if it isn't the right time it will not happen. I learned to wait. To be patient. To know that life has it's bad times, but if you will wait.. stick it out.. just keep on keeping on life will turn around. You will be rewarded for your faithfulness. On November 15, 2004, I was rewarded with a healthy, alive 5 pound, 8oz little boy who pulled the pieces of my heart back together and filled it with love.
5 comments:
Emily, you are beyond a brave strong woman. I am beyond humbled you shared this with us.
I think I just learned a leason reading this.
Many hugs,
Brandi
I didn't realize you'd lost your first two children, Emily. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing this with us and for participating.
XOXO
I am truly sorry for your loss of your two babies but you are right, you waited, you kept on surviving and God rewarded you with your healthy babies!! Thank you for sharing your story.
I went through this with our first pregnancy but to be honest, as the man, I don't think I could ever share in the same emotions that you and my wife had. Because I wasn't physically carrying the child, there's just know way I could feel the same as the two of you.
Like you, we were fortunate to have another chance later.
I followed the link from Brandi's blog over to yours. I went through the same thing as you did. I was 20 wks pregnant when I had an ultra sound only to find out my son had died. I was only 19 at the time. I think I am a better parent because of it though. I know how precious my 3 sons are.
Congratulations on winning Brandi's contest!
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