Good-bye 2010

::::Deep breath out::::

Seriously, I just took a deep breath out.  It's just been a year.  I can say that I am gladly saying farewell to 2010.  It has sucked.  There, I said it.. sucked, sucked, sucked.  SUCKED!

Granted.. not all of it sucked.

We had a wonderful summer.  It was a healing summer.  There aren't words to really describe how much that summer healed my heart.  How the time spent with my kids is what pulled me through.  My kids are what got me through my darkest hours.  They kept me busy.  Swimming, playing, exploring, laughing.  They just kept me going.  If I would have ever just stopped for too long it would have done me in.  Thankfully, my kids don't stop for any long length of time.

I spent time at the beach with my family.  My daddy, brother, sister-in-law, nephew and my family all went to Panama City Beach together.  It was a trying time.  Not in a bad way necessarily.  It was just trying because we all knew that, that place was my momma's favorite place to go.  She lived to go to the beach every summer.  So to not have her there was hard.  Really hard.  But it was a first that we knew we had to get through and I am glad I had all them there to go through it with.

Kent and I had a wonderful trip to Washington, DC.  We spent a week of it being just us and exploring a new city together.  It was my second time to go and his first.  We enjoyed every minute of it.  And since my momma was a VERY, VERY, VERY patriotic person I somehow felt closer to her.  Knowing that she spent her honeymoon in that city and was with me the first time I explored that city.  I tried to stand in some of the same spots that I knew she once stood in.  It was another healing time.

Jon Kent started school this year.  As did Zoey.  That was a day I looked to for years.  Not because I was ready to get them out of the house and off my hands, but it just meant a new milestone was met and new adventures were happening.  When I found out my momma died, her missing Jon Kent's first day of school was the first thing to pop in my mind.

Kent and I got to go watch Auburn play South Carolina in September.  It was a great day spent with old and new friends.  We got to watch Auburn play a great game.  It was truly one of the best games I have ever been to.  We had an absolute wonderful time.

So, looking back, I know it all wasn't bad.  That there were many good times and memories made.  But unless you've lost someone close then you might not understand what I am about to say.  So, I'll try to explain.  Over the past 10 months many good things have happened, but even though they were good there was always an underlining sense of sadness that my momma wasn't a part of it.  That a piece of the puzzle was missing.  That's been the part that has sucked the most.  That through it all, she still wasn't a part of it.

In 2011 I know things will still be hard.  I know that as long as I am here, without her, that life isn't going to be like it would be if she were here.  That there will probably always been that underlining sense of sadness in a lot of things.  But the more that time goes on, I hope the more I can adapt to it.  Let it become my norm and learn from it.

I have several "resolutions" for 2011, most of them are your normal goals.  *Be healthier, spend more time with family, read more, learn more, save more, get more organized.*  Those types of things.  Some maybe not so normal ones are; *to finally get my house painted and decorated like I want (I have yet to hang anything on my walls and we have been here well over a year) and  take the kids to Disney World.  I want to make memories that my kids can hold on to as they grow.  Kind of like the memories that I hold on to when I miss my momma the most.

I hope that everyone has had a wonderful 2010.  And that everyone will have a wonderful, healthy and happy 2011.

Happy New Year!