Unfinished business

As most of my readers know, I went back to school this spring to get my RN. I applied to the nursing program, along with about 600-700 other people. Then April 1 Kent found out he got a job promotion and we have since moved to South Carolina. I didn't with drawl my application because in the back of my mind I didn't really feel comfortable doing so. I thought if I did, sure as this world, Kent's job would somehow fall through and there I gave up my shot. So I let the process go on, thinking that since I wasn't enrolled for the summer that somehow that would lessen my chances. Today I opened up a packet and there was my acceptance letter into the nursing program. The program that, from what I was told, only let in 52 people this year. 52 people out of 600. My first thought? Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Why? At this point, I would have rather gotten a rejection letter. Because I can't use this chance. We live too far away and there is no way I can live apart from my husband for 2 years. Sure, I can apply in South Carolina. But was this my one shot? My shot to finish up my schooling and start my career? All these thoughts, these mixed emotions.. I'm happy to have been selected, honored. But I can't use it. To me it feels like unfinished business. A waste. It's hard to explain the feeling that is circulating inside of me.. happiness that I was able to be selected, sadness that I don't get to follow through with it, angry that I didn't do this sooner... Just unfinished.