Homesick

Kent's grandfather is trying to talk us out of moving. He is 70 years old, set in his ways and loves my kids to pieces. He has literally been Jon Kent's best buddy since the day we brought Jon Kent home from the hospital. Kent's grandparents, my kids' GREAT grandparents, are the sweetest, nicest people you will ever meet. They love my kids to death and they love, love, love taking them off my hands to give me a break. I never have to ask them, they just do.

When we broke the news to them that we may be moving, Kent's grandfather turned pale, the smile vanished. He immediately thought the worst. "We'll never see the kids again." I've told Granny over and over and Pops (that's what I call him, he's PawPaw to everyone else) that they were welcomed over at our house whenever they wanted and for as long as they liked. Our doors are always open. But it still makes Kent's grandfather's heart sick. Which makes me sad. I understand why he feels that way. He has an unexplainable love for Jon Kent (he loves all my kids, but there is just a bond with him and Jon Kent that is unique) and he will miss his best buddy. Kent's grandparents are both retired and they use their mornings to get things done around the house, run errands, do whatever they want just so they can have the afternoons with my kids. I honestly feel guilty some days because they do want the kids so much and the kids love going over there. But I feel like I'm getting away with something wrong.. does that make sense? Anyway, back to the point at hand.. Tonight Kent's grandfather was listing and relisting and relisting all the reasons why we shouldn't move. "A new house payment, no one to help us, no family, having totravel to see family, property taxes will be higher, cost of living will be higher.. ect. We could wait it out a few years and Kent could get the same position here, if we would wait." All of which have some truth to them. But in the long run it would better us to leave. In 5-6 years we could come back and we would be better off. It's hard for Kent's grandfather to see that, because he is up in his years. I honestly think he thinks if we move he will never see the kids again or at least not as much as he would like. That he is getting older and his years fewer. It really does make me sad. Not only for my kids but a little bit for myself.

See.. Pops is a grandfather to me as well. I only knew one of my grandfathers for a short period of time, although he taught me lessons through his death that I carry with me today. Pops is my grandfather too and while we may not be blood related I still have a love for him and especially for Granny that is also unique. I will miss them something trouble as well.. as I will miss all my family. To think about not seeing my own parents whenever I like is hard to swallow sometimes. To know that I won't be able to sit down at church and be surrounded by people who are literally family and people who have known me since I was in diapers. It does make me homesick, even now. But this is a chapter that Kent and I have to write together.. alone. All the other chapters in our lives have been written, in a small part, by others.. as well as ourselves. But this one.. this one is ours. We have to do this for us. To do what is best for us. And while it may hurt hearts, ours included, it will be for our best.